beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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