you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
