reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
