My friends, they love my intelligence
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I have surprise drugs for everyone
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Randomize
