You work out of a Hotel?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
