i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
