I think I died a long time ago.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
