omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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