I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
