this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
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