3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
did i walk over a car last night?
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I stole a fireplace last night.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
