guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
