So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Randomize
