Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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