That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
