I never want to see another naked old woman again.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
this hospital has no fireball
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
