Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
