what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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