I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
