I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
