I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
