I wish my penis had an off switch
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
the day after is always just damage control
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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