The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
