I wannas sexs uuuuu
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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