I forgot how hot balto sounded
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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