grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
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