Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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