there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
