I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
