Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have fence marks all over my body
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
