I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Randomize
