I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
I'm just crazy horny about you
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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