Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
