You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
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