it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
