I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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