I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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