Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
