Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
