i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
