yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
Randomize
