I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
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