Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
There was a lot of him and a little penis
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize
