I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
just won 30 on black! Ok adicteddd! Never coming back gqmbeqing is easy.
now my debit card is betting 1k whoops. im gongk eh be rich!!!
whoops didnt work. think the gambeli mashine is busters!! now im betting 2k?! bad idea?
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
