So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
my sisters under your porch take her home
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It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
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He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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