It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
cat food counts as protein by the way
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
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