and next time when you feel me up, do it right
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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