my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Randomize
