rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
