And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
My life is pants optional.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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