He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
