Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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