It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Randomize
