You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
