What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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