I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
