people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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