6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
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please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
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Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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