ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
