God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
