Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
