we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Randomize
