if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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