Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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