She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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