maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
