Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Never joke about your clitoris.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
