Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Randomize
