My liver just broke up with me...
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
it glows. i had to have it.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
Randomize
