True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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